My Heart

This is a post that I wrote on this day last year, I still remember how broken I felt. But more than that, I appreciate how complete I feel today. I still don’t have a baby, I haven’t been able to get pregnant again, and I’ve had many frustrating days. But, I’m grateful for the life I have, for my husband, parents, friends, home group, church, volunteer team…the list literally goes on and on.  I never thought I would move past that lost feeling, but I have and I’ve flourished. It didn’t happen over night, it was slow and gradual and I’m a better person through it all.  So, here’s my heart, for all the world to see…

My due date was this week. 

But, I miscarried, so I don’t get to be a mom today. 

I debated on whether or not I should post about this, because miscarriage is almost a taboo topic, it makes people feel uncomfortable. It makes me feel uncomfortable. 

But, the intense sadness and hurt that I feel today is overwhelming. And it physically hurts my heart thinking that Eric and I are the only ones grieving for our child. 

It also pains me to think of all the other women out there that feel the same way. 1 in 4 women have a miscarriage, that’s heartbreaking. 

I felt so alone, broken, dysfunctional and worthless. I was fortunate to have so many women reach out to me privately and share their struggle with me, and I really needed that. I needed to know that I wasn’t a complete failure, and that it wasn’t my fault and that I would be able to move past it. So, I’m putting this out here today, on a day that is so heartbreakingly tough for me, because I know that there’s at least one woman out there that needs to read this, and needs to know there’s hope. 

::This isn’t your fault, you are not broken, you are so valuable and this WILL get better. Your days will get easier, but it will take time. Don’t give up on yourself and please reach out for help when the load gets too heavy to bear alone::
If you could say a prayer for me, or send good thoughts my way, I would really appreciate it.